Doves, Indonesians, and Consumerism.

I got approached on the street this week from this guy who creeped me out. I'm walking with my headphones on ignoring anyone that has nothing to do with my life, and a man runs up on me, and asked me to take my headphones off. With the since of urgency he created I quickly complied with his demand. I would like to know where the bomb is and if I am heading towards it- It’s New York, as a taxpayer I should expect to blow up at any given moment! I assume this man is going to advise me that A.) I am trailing a stream of tissue from the bottom of my boot up 5th Avenue. I had a rough time in the bathroom moment’s earlier- Thai food. B.) A Pigeon, Dove, or Bald Eagle shat on my coat, and I should remove it promptly. C.) That I dropped my Wallet, but with my life the latter is less likely to occur.

I remove my headphones and shoot him a look that says "Yes" because Lord only knows the tone of my voice in the dead of winter is always Harsh when its 19 degrees outside, mainly because I'm harsh that I live in a city where the temperature can drop to 19 degrees outside! He finally speaks to proclaim, "You look nice." I proceed to place my headphones back in my ear and walk away with Tupac Shakur and the Holy Sprit. He hurries after me, "What is your name?" When I looked at him he was actually pretty cute- but it was cold- don't stop me in the winter- you just don’t have a chance. I am outside, during rush hour- the streets look like the 405 freeway but instead of cars bumper to bumper its people on the road. It's like Freaking Indonesia- Shoulder to Shoulder traffic! I was outdone. I had a long class and was contemplating a market strategy that would make me a media mogul. (Yes, These are the thoughts that consume me when I walk down the street- TRAGIC!) I asked him "How old are you, and why are you stopping people on the streets?" He laughed as if I was joking! I of course freezing my ass off and looking for pick pocket’ers within a 3 feet radius remained stark serious. I had yet to deposit my rent into the bank and was carrying cash. "I'm 31, and you look nice." WHAT AT 31 THAT’S ALL YOU CAN COME UP WITH? I looked at his wardrobe and knew I was going to have to SHUT this down immediately. He had on a Black shiny bubble vest like Puffy and Mase back in the glory days of hip-hop. A baseball cap that was turned sideways and a random unidentified shopping bag- that didn't really look new- I think it was maybe a return purchase. Anyhow, I couldn't for the life of me figure out why he was dressed like a BET 106 and Park audience member at 31- I had to Go. "I'm sorry I'm not interested, and I'm running late for something. Have a nice day." As I nuzzle Tupac's Baritone back into my ear canal I hear this man shout with a tone of 'stankness' in his voice "Alright Ma, well you still look nice!" I wanted to shout back at the top of my lungs "Dude you've stated this already. Thanks, DAMN stop returning merchandise you can’t afford!" Consumerism is so TRAGIC!